Written by Russell Clarke Saturday, 01 October 2011 10:25

GunnerTalk Blog

By Russel Clarke

As far as I can recall the events started in The Rocket Complex, the bar belonging to the London Met University which is let out on match days to Red Action. I met Ben in the garden where he proudly announced that he was drinking out of date Bulmers Cider but didn't care as it was only a £1 a bottle. We moved inside and found Gav who had also discovered the Bulmers which turned out to be more outside the sell by date than had previously been thought. The rest of the group, many proudly showing off their "spuds" tickets soon arrived one by one and after a few beers, ciders and James' Guinness Nate ordered the 1st of many Jagerbombs all £85 of them.

Bob Collins performed his customary Awayboyz set ably assisted by Sammi whilst we danced and chatted before some bright spark decided it was time for all of us to hit the stage and perform an impromptu rendition of some unrecognisable song. A few more beers & jägers later we headed off on the Rocket march to watch the match.

After waiting an eternity for Lindsay outside the Armoury, it was decided to meet back in The Rocket. Nate managed to get himself & 6 others lost on the 2 min walk to the bar but managed to get a picture with a nice copper.

Back in The Rocket the Jagerbombs flowed, quite literally with an entire round ending up on the floor.

I remember Paul receiving the most obvious chat up from a young Goonerette, however the only person not to of noticed how obvious was him. Chris didn't notice either because he was asleep.

After even more Jägers, beers and £1 Bulmers, Nate & Gav decided to fire up the decks and blare out the Clash's I fought the law. However it was the bouncers that won and decided they didn't quite like the music and suggested politely that they turn it off and we should make a move.

The short walk to the Bailey cannot in anyway be described as uneventful. Where Nate found Karl Pilkingtons yellow cod piece from I will never know. Why he hit Lindsay on the arse with it I will never know and how he got Gav on the bell end I will never know. Something else I will never know is what the couple having a romantic dinner in the Italian restaurant thought as he waved it through the window at them.

The Bailey was empty when we arrived or rather it emptied when we arrived. Chris managed to find a corner to fall asleep again whilst Annette joined in with Gav & Eboue (the bouncer) dad dancing. By now lindsay was on her 3rd change of clothes (although she Argued that putting on an Arsenal shirt for the match didn't count). I think it was here the 1st whiskeys started to go back of cause mixed in with even more jäger bombs. I also think a sambuca appeared from somewhere or that could of been in the Rocket. Now I don't know why but the Bailey decided to shut early, which is strange considering the amount of money being put over the bar so we headed for the famous cocks. Who it was that first smelt the weed i don't know, but like sniffer dogs we tracked the owners to a couple of lads outside who were promptly removed of it (mugged basically) after a few naughty joints again we hit the whiskeys. Kal got one thrown over him, which could of caused a major incident if someone had struck a match. Annette & Nate competed in who could play the crappiest 80's tracks on their phones whilst I tossed off an umbrella handle. Chris slept ! The evening ended with Gav telling the bruiser of an eastern European bouncer to "pie off Gorbachev" an expression that will never be heard again.

Now Annette and myself eventually made it home but as for the others I don't know. I have no recollection from there on. The bodies found in the woods are unknown to me even though  some were in Arsenal colours.

Signed

Russell Clarke aka pissed up Gooner

Btw wtf was wrong with my shorts & Jaquie your mum would ofbeen well pleased of the result.