Written by Russell Clarke Thursday, 18 August 2011 10:47

GunnerTalk Blog

By Russell Clarke

It was an early start for our 4 ½ trip “oop north”. With the Jam blaring out on constant replay (much to the annoyance of the wife), we set out at 4am and as usual the wife did the usual girly thing falling  asleep 10 minutes into the journey, only waking when she needed the loo. This did however give me the pleasure of the whole drive without her constant nattering. Now why set out so early for an afternoon kickoff? Simples we were staying in Gateshead with our two good friends Colin & Janice, and I thought as they were providing free B & B we should spend some time with them. This however proved to be a good move as Colin (who’s a Mackem) decided that although not having a match ticket would along, with Janice join us in town for the pre-match piss up. Not only did we have free B & B but our own official tour guides.

After a short bus ride (accompanied by some disapproving shoppers) we hit the Wetherspoons. Now the black & white balloons around the pub should have given me a clue that this was not an Arsenal pub, but well in for a penny.  It was on my way back from the bar with my 3^rd beer when I bumped into Keith The Gooner & Welsh Gooner. Keith is not the easiest person to miss at the best of times and as he was proudly displaying his red & white along with Welsh in his two tone blues they were quickly ejected by the bouncers. We however had the common sense to cover up but it was soon made clear by the staff that our presence was no longer welcomed. After a quick phone call to Keith and some rather dodgy directions that involved us walking through a nonexistent castle we met up again in a pub near the quayside.

Although very pleasant and almost full of Gooners there was not a really any atmosphere,  so leaving Keith & the others behind, we headed back through the castle, this time to O’Neills (nearly next to the wetherspoon we had just left)

We had arranged to meet up with Scott & Holly sometime during the day and it was here we found them. Scott & Holly are extremely good friends of ours and it is quite difficult to describe them without sounding rude.  Apart these two look normal but together, Scott at over 6 foot and an amateur boxer, Holly very petite and knee high to a grasshopper don’t exactly match. However when it comes to drinking , Holly on her ciders can out drink the best of us and is more than an equal to Scott. We were quickly joined by Keith & Welsh, but this time they were accompanied by the gorgeous, blonde   Ally, who was drinking neat vodka in between Twittering.

It was about this time with only a couple of hours to go before the match that I made a horrifying discovery. The pub didn’t sell Jager !! Now anyone that’s travelled with The Arsenal knows that Jager has become the official drink of Gooners on tour, and that to watch a match without at least a couple of Jagerbombs inside you is just not acceptable. To make matters worse the only alternative was Sambuca.

It was after 3 Sambucas it was decided that we should phone Lindsay to tell her what a good time we were all having  in her absence. She was not impressed as she later pointed out on Twitter.

Unfortunately from here the rest of the day becomes quite hazy. I know I bumped into the two honeys I spent the day with in Braga. Also Irish Mick who I also met in Braga, whom I always seem to bump into in the loos. Welsh Alun who’s a true fanatical travelling fan came over and said “hi” and I also remember singing to one of the numerous hen party’s. Thanks for giving us a wave Ginger.

Post match was spent in a pub back in Gateshead watching two women cat fight over, of all things, a dog. My ear was licked by some weirdo and we spent 20mins looking for some girls £600 shoes, only to realise she was wearing them.

Next match is Liverpool home where I hope to meet up with some more of you in the Gunners Pub. So if you are in there pop over and say hello, I will be the one wearing an Arsenal shirt.

Finally just like to say to the chap in row “O” in front of where I was standing. “You really need to sort out your flatulence problem. You stink.”