Written by Lindsay Melrose Monday, 29 March 2010 00:00

GunnerTalk Blog

 

By Lindsay Sheehan

(Firstly my sincere apologies for Saturday’s disappointing draw. It was my fault. I had a moment of complete madness and popped ‘We are the Champions’ on my IPod belting it out full volume in my kitchen whilst accompanying myself on heavy air guitar. Clearly I have fucked it all up royally; it’s just that it’s been so very long. I realise the gravity of my actions and can only apologise again.)

So over to the Champions League final 2006. Like Charlie I had my golden ticket and off to Paris I went. It may as well have been sodding golden for the amount of money it cost me. In fact 4 years later, the memories and the credit card balance still linger like farts in a jam jar.

This was it, the final everyone wanted to see. The two teams most known for the beautiful game were to battle it out in the impressive arena of the Stade de France. Players like Henry, Pires, Eto'o and Ronaldinho all gracing the same stage, at the contest to decide the Champions of Europe. Mouth-watering.

Spurs had already suffered from a severe case of the squishy shits and therefore any potential non qualification for the next year’s competition had been flushed away quicker than the contents of their bowels down the bogs at the Boleyn ground, along with their very presumptuous purchases of Barcelona merchandise. Actually, calling that secret agent Lasagne chief – you are reactivated - your club requires your services asap.

With friends and family I drank champagne and quaffed oysters on the Champs Elysees. The weather was a beautiful representation of spring and Paris seemed genuinely happy to host us. I walked to the Arsenal's hotel, met Adebayor and nearly fainted when Henry walked past me to get on the coach. I hung out of the electric roof of my cab on the way to the ground and made horse faces at Ronaldinho who was a captive audience on the Barce coach stuck in the traffic behind us. We had a good bit of banter with the Barcelona fans who were on bloody good form. All in all one of the best jolly’s I’ve ever had.

I got settled in my seat surrounded by native Frenchmen all supporting the Arsenal. Kick off, 18 minutes in and oh. Simply and effectively it was over. We were robbed. Not of the trophy, but of the competition. Why oh why oh why Jens? So what if they scored, we still had over 70 minutes to rectify it? With 10 men it was a brave battle but the war was lost. There was a hilarious moment when I rubbed my lucky cuddly bunny to inspire our attack. A local guy next to me giggled patronisingly just as Sol Campbell smashed the ball into the back of the Barcelona net. He looked me dead in the eye and said in broken English “We must all rub yes?” So for the next hour followed vigorous bunny rubbing by various random French men. Sounds like the plot to a banned porno flick but whatever, bunny’s luck had all run out and we lost. A very sad end to a fantastic trip.

So it is with mixed feelings that I preview this match after the game that never was. In all honesty I wouldn't have wanted to draw them no matter the bravado of excitement I am hiding my collywobbles behind now. But draw them we have and therefore beat them we must. I mean they are the real deal huh? Proper football and real live shiny trophies. AND. An Arsenal player left us, went there and was wait .............. more successful!!! The bastards. They of course were not bastards of any sorts last year when they denied that orrible, c u next Tuesday, Ronaldo his Manure swan song. But now they stand between us and, well the next round, bastards again they must be.

I do hope the club does not have one of their motivational nights on the agenda. Remember the commemorative flags at the CL home leg against Manure last year or the red and white cards for each seat before Man Yoo this year? Great idea but fucking hell has someone sprinkled the contents of the giveaway box with a massive dose of unlucky powder? If the crowd isn’t up for these 2 games – what on earth would inspire them?

The build up to both legs will undoubtedly be about Cesc returning ‘home’ (captain thieving bastards) Henry returning to the club he couldn’t win the CL with (returning hero bastard) and Lionel Messi (bloody talented bastard.)

We go into the game after taking possibly the fatal dent in our Premier league quest. We are running out of games to make up the deficit and have a few more tricky ones left to play. Was one eye on this game? Probably. So no excuses left, our players won’t be thinking of Wolves at home when they walk out.

The Verminator will be back and that must mean more confidence within the team and certainly amongst the support. Can’t really take the bravado to the point of feeling fine about Messi facing Tweety’s mate. I know I said in previous blogs that football brain can sometimes be quicker than feet but for fucks sake not against Lionel Messi. Vermaelen told Sky Sports that he does not fear Messi. I remember him saying he was not scared of Drogba either and we know how that game went. Gallas has even made the squad but I can’t imagine him starting. There is a doubt of Cesc which is always bad news.

I am looking at their team to find a weak spot, and well I can’t, all bar one of their first choices are fit. But that’s why Wenger gets paid the big bucks and I am currently a sham of a person wrapped in a bunch of nerves hidden behind a deafening bum squeak. My bum has been so squeaky this last month I am thinking of releasing a high pitched compilation on You Tube under the title ‘A Bad case of Arsenal Arse.’ Anyway the boss said quite rightly “What you want from your team is not to worry too much about the strengths of Barcelona and focus on our strengths. I do not deny their quality, but we are an exceptional team as well."

Clearly we are not the favourites but over 2 legs can we pull it off? No one is unbeatable and FC “who the fuck?” Ruben beat Barcelona in an earlier round so the mighty Arsenal certainly can beat them. It will take 2 massive full on performances and so far when we have asked for these, absolutely nothing has materialised but embarrassment. Let this be the competition, let this be the stage, let this be the time and lets knock them the fuck out. We have big game Bendtner and a team playing like one again. With Captain Marvel Fabregas playing anything is possible and there is plenty of talent in our team. They will have to work like blood thirsty devils for each and every ball and no Arsenal TM lapses of concentration or we will be hurt badly. Let us see if they’ve learnt.

But this is what we sign up for isn’t it? The big ones? I say pah to drawing the rubbish French sides. Who wants an easy ride to the prize? You? Yeah me too but hey, just imagine the pay off IF ......................


COME ON YOU GUNNERS!!!